One of my friends made a statement the other day. He said he is not normal. This got me thinking as to who is normal and how can someone adjudge someone as being normal. I listen to rock and I have no problems admitting that I hate some other forms of music this makes me normal in some eyes while it makes me a full blown weirdo in the eyes of others. I have inked my arms this is considered to be a fad by some to be a statement by some but to me its just an extension of myself so am I mad or may I normal.

I thought about this for a while and I feel the only normal people in this world are the abnormal ones maybe its to do with conformance maybe its to do with being a part of the herd those who stand out are the abnormal one. To be honest I would rather stand out and be abnormal.

When do we learn to say NO?

We rarely ever say no directly unless we are angry or frustrated. The thinking men and women ought to have the courage to say it as it is. But we don't. We have politicians who on one hand say that they are the protectors of our city and they are the same people who also tend to destroy it at the slightest controversy. We have internal and external enemies who are creating ruckus and we cant tell them no we have had enough.

We cant say no to our friends when we don't want to do something. We think of excuses to make them feel that we are busy or we are up to something. Why cant we say no and why cant others respect the no.

The voice in my brain says don't the voice from somewhere else in me says do.
There are things that I see and cant figure out.
There are places I need to be but cant find a way to get to.
There are people I want to meet but can't.
There are ideas that I want to implement but don't know how.
Through this sprinkling of dreams I live a life that sometimes seems surreal.
Through the days and nights I have only more aspirations to fulfil.
Life as I live it seems distant from life as I want it.
The means to complete something sometimes seem so unreachable that I feel we live in a reality show.
A show where we are forced to make choices but the result is sometimes immaterial of the choices.
Till I solve my conundrums I bid adieu.

Standing by my window I look at the sun kissed earth through a curtain of smoke,
Admiring the beauty of what stands forth makes me think of other places I have been,
It makes me want to see how it feels to see the same sight at different places,
The earth in all its naked glory beckons all to come see her beauty as the sun wakes up and illuminates her being,
The blue waves crash against the rocks as my smoke curtain grows thinner,
Someday I will see a lot and that will make me smile just like she is smiling right now.

I don't get our obsession with marriage I mean as a society. Marriage is an institution they say I highly doubt it like many other things people say. Marriage is an understanding of sorts I feel it is like a compromise that I will have to undertake the question is why should I not think about myself. TO grow your family name you need to get married and have kids too. This whole concept though makes a little sense has also led to female genocide. The number of girl children being aborted due to the want of having a boy is very alarming. So that argument also fails according to me. Now there is another argument that says you will have a companion for life. Well I don't need to marry for that do I? I can have a companion without getting married. Oh I am scandalising a lot of people with this comment but then I don't think it is wrong. This is not our culture you say. Well so are a lot of things which we reintroduced to make our society highly conservative and constricted.
Not everyone needs to think like me I don't want to argue all I want is my voice be heard.

I see many amazing sights on my way to work or sometimes on my way back maybe I am too observant or maybe I have nothing better to do. But this is what I have started observing recently. The newer generation is not spoilt they have different tastes.
Hip hop culture I think that's what it is called has taken over suburbia and its influence can be seen every where. When I was that age we had different influences. I feel nothing is wrong as long as you don't overdo it.

A recent murder of a high profile lawyer is quite unnerving. One of the suspects is a techie who works in mumbai. Even in some of the heinous crimes the culprits are educated working professionals. I often wonder why an educated person would succumb to such ideologies.
Is it the world around them that they find to be cruel? Are they just doing it for money? It would be interesting if some physiologist actually studies this or maybe they have and I have not looked hard enough

Incredible India... My last post was about regionalism and it seems like our diversity is rotting. The recent bomb blasts in Pune does not seem to have an impact on people in AP. Amazing, isn't it?

I have a problem with broadsheets in Mumbai dedicating their front page to Adverts from various organisations mainly builders though. How can you have the front page of the newspaper given to a builder or for that matter any other organisation or group. The front page to me is a sacred page where the most prominent events are highlighted. It could be argued that they do this for the extra income that is so badly required in the print media specially since the advent of 24 hour news channels but why compromise on the first page?

I don't have a television at home which means the first thing I do in the morning is read the newspaper only to go through 2-3 pages of pictures of buildings. I guess the print media is answering the question will we survive; but I feel it should be how we survive.

Welcome to the new version of me.

I have written about things that I found interesting in the past but have never really written about current issues. However, this time around I intend to be current.

Lets start with the regionalism that has taken India by storm. Ask a small child on the road where he/she is from and rarely will you get the answer that I am from India. A majority of people thing that their first loyalty lies with their state and in some cases their city. I will not declare that I am a staunch Indian and whatever we do I agree with it. Sometimes there are instances when what we do does not make sense. Like opening a dialogue with Pakistan. Well more on that subject later.

First I want to debate on this topic of regionalism. We have people asking for their own state we have people stating that a particular part of the country belongs to certain people. Do we realise that we are dividing the country into small parts based on religion, language and customs. India boasts that we have unity in diversity at least that is what I was taught in school but I do not see any unity I see personal agendas and regional bias killing our growth story.

India is set to take on the so called economic powers in the world and on the brink of possible greatness we decide we do not care where we can reach let us fight among ourselves and destroy the chances of getting investment. Truly a united front, isn't it? We could well be the biggest economy in time to come like the golden era of India but then it depends on what the people do next.

The most wonderful sight in the world is seeing bombay shimmering in lights as you fly over and the saddest sight is seeing those lights disappear. how i miss it sometimes, i wondered was it beacause of the people. was it because of the memories that i had there. well i guess its a mixture of both if it wasnt for my friends i would never have liked it as much. if it wasnt for all the things i did there i wouldnt have anything to remeber it with. but the way the city looks bathed in light with cars snaking down its roads is a beautiful.
some say that living in india after you have travelled the world is mad. well i guess i am mad then because i wouldnt want to live anywhere else

Sometimes it feels like life has come to a standstill
The horizon seems bleak and it feels like im dragging a stone while walking through a desert
Maybe its just the jabs I have taken
even the mightiest fall after all
Unless its the calm I feel before I start a storm
The days seem endless at times
the nights calm as a bomb
the insomnia kicks in and then you just lay awake dreaming with your eyes wide open
the night grows older but the eyes keep seeking something dont exactly know what
the mind never seems to rest, constant thoughts are a vice at times
If i can find definition i say to myself but then I have that
Maybe a vision is what I need
Maybe hope is what is missing
Maybe its me...

My new inspiration.... JORDAN SPARKS

yes i know this coming from me will seem a bit odd.. but then i was listening to One step at a time and it made me think not a lot of songs make me think but this one did... it speaks volumes... maybe i should learn from the song and do what the song says take one step at a time... well it will help a lot thats for sure...instead of runnin like flash and then falling and failing i could jog or brisk walk :P

for those unaware of this woman and her work
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAYmDNov6Q0

My second inspiration MARTY McConnell..what a woman.. she speaks her mind and speaks volumes... she taught me to listen to the voice of my wild heart... and terror of the way im headed is a sure sign that heading in the right direction... one adjective may not be enough to describe her and her inspirational work... so i will let you see for your self
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS3jfY3_AWw

there is one more inspiration who doesnt have a youtube video and who isnt talked about in the papers or online... unfortunately he aint alive, but he was a great man a man who spent his life trying to help society who got very little money in return sometimes met people who were ungrateful to him who left him thinking if he was doing any good but he continued his work... he made a small insignificant thing into a monument... single-handly he changed the face of medicine in his region... he did what was thought impossible... he was a person who was 3 steps ahead of his present and who never gave up on his beliefs...whenever i walk away from his grave it leaves me feeling hungry to do more in life... i hope that one day i will remebered like you

Navin Mistry (Johnny) met with an accident on the 4th April'09 around 1:10 in the afternoon when he was on his way to the office and has been undergoing treatment for head injuries at MGM hospital, Vashi, New Bombay.

During the accident he suffered injuries to the head causing multiple clots and internal bleeding. He underwent an immediate surgery (craniotomy) on the very same day and was incubated and connected to the ventilator but post surgery results showed the presence of residual clots for which he underwent another surgery (decompressed craniotomy) on 09/04/09.
Repeat surgeries were performed for removing the Skull cap (left and right hemisphere, respectively) to ease the pressure caused by massive swelling of the brain.


On 09/04/09 the hospital gave us an approximate expenditure of Rs.6,50,000 (Six Lakhs Fifty Thousand) excluding the cost of medicines, which is amounting to around 10-15 thousand per day. This estimate was given to us prior to the last surgery. Currently the hospital costs are expected to be around Rs.10,00,000 and the medicines will probably amount to approx. Rs. 500000(Total likely expenditure estimated is Rs 15 lacs as of today).

Navin was the only earning menber of his family and the expenses for his treatment are well over his family's savings, hence we need to contribute in any possible way.

We have approached various trusts, politicians & institutions but the response till now is not very positive and any action from their side will take months.

When will it end... when will be complete again
sometimes life seems so bleak and so dark that i wish i could just run away
sometimes it feels like i am worthless
there are times when i wish it would just rain so that atleast someone will shed tears
sometimes it feels like nothin can be done
i have never felt so powerless
i used to love dancing to the music of my heart and now the music is gone
i used to love being my inner child and now the inner child seems to have grown up

i never hated the summer now i do and i dont know why

i wish i was me again

My Ode to MJ
she crumbled in my arms
weeping away her pain
she was all i needed to feel content at that moment
her sweet smell filling my senses
her touch putting my mind at ease
as i lay there with her against my lips
i felt complete
i didn't feel like letting go
no words needed to be exchanged
there was no anguish no pain
our dreams where the same
my breathing breaking the silence
the birds sang in a distance
the sun slowly crept up the horizon
i felt the pain disappear
i closed my eyes as we became one

i wrote this one ages ago never really got to blogging it well thts my random thoughts as usual at its finest should be more like it....

anyhows its been a while since i opened my mind and wrote and this week a long lost friend helped clear my mind a lot
he was one of the first influences on my mind, he was one of the main reasons i decided not to follow the anyone but become myself
someone recently told me in the past people could not define me aand they still cant i doubt if they will ever be able to...
i dont know if i will be able to define myself lets see i think of myself as a non-conformist i think of myself as cold at times i dont like to harm people i dont know what i feel anymore i think i am happy but i am not... i think i am alright but my mind keeps thinking... i doubt if i will ever be defined but then it is not a bad thing it only adds to my legacy...
i always have let my mine think sometimes i felt like i should stop but then i never did and i dont think i ever will...
well that is enough ranting for one day

i call this one MY OWN

As i lay awake in bed

seeing the lights shimmering i wondered to myself what is mine

the haze of smoke could not help me find an answer

the blurring vision didn't help either

the night grew cold and still

there was a shadow of a man walking down the street

scavenging for things to eat

i realized what isn't mine is his

she stood in a distance

under a dim light waiting for someone to fall for her charms

there is little hailey to be fed she also needs new books she thought to herself

what isn't his is hers

the wind swept the street and it rose to meet the new visitor from the east

the sky now was a bright orange

the night seemed to disappear in a flash

little hailey stirred in her bed

she awoke with new dreams and living hopes

she wanted to make her life better she wanted a better world

this is when i realized it is all theirs

till death comes to me i strive to make this world a little better than it is

if i cant change anyone so be it i will be a good human to others

because the future of the world that those little eyes see deserves to be bright

music as defined by the dictionary is an artistic form of auditory communication incorporating instrumental or vocal tones in a structured and continuous manner.
isn't it much more than that?

well we do owe a lot to the music we grew up on. I think that music is a way of life. it definitely is a way of self-expression. I haven't even heard all the different types of music in the world so i definitely am not an expert but then the different music i have heard and played helps me learn so much.

When i played Arabic music i could see how the crowd reacted how they danced which was way different from what i had seen before. the culture that they shared with other Arabic speaking countries was self evident.

There are so many people around the world who listen to main stream commercial music but still have the same choices.

my flatmate has lived his entire life in the UK and somehow we have similar musical tastes which is quite interesting but brings to light the fact that music unites people.

Why this sudden outburst of revelations? no idea thought about it randomly as usual

Another year draws to an end,
thousands of tears mixed with blood flow into the seas,
a million smiles and aspirations were born,
new dreams where seen and things not thought of before were done,
the world started slowing down and stalling,
what the future holds for me i dont know,
but i know this i wont be looking at work to be done and cracks to be patched on my walk of life,
instead of looking for flaws in my mind i will be looking for potential to grow,


a wise man (my grandfather) once told me that life will have its trials and tribulations it will have its joys and sorrows take everything thrown at you with a smile and you will lead a good life.
one of my fondest memories of new year was my sisters first new year. she was 9 days old and had been brought home from the hospital just 2 days ago. but it was brilliant i felt like i wasnt alone anymore. it felt like and still does feel like she is my world. thinking about it though it has been a good year so far, so many things have been done. so many new friendships have been built. so many new places have been seen though there are plenty more that i would like to see.
I never thought i would be learning again but i am and i am enjoying every second of it. The challenges i faced at the start of the year which i thought i would never be able to complete i did. The fact that i changed the way some people work has been rewarding enough. The projects i undertook and completed were amazing. i never thought that i would be doing some of the work i did when i left college. I never thought i would take a trip across the oceans on free will but i did...
not everything went the way i wanted it too.. but then it is a part of life isnt it... i had an amazing year and my only wish and prayer is that the next one is even better if not the same... i dont make new year resolutions but then this year i have made one to exist like the way i want to be like the way i would like people to remeber me.
happy new year!!!!

I have a new question which has been troubling me over and over again so i might as well write it out and hopefully something happens
what is reality?
where can we draw the line between illusion and reality?
if reality is created by man, it would imply that relaity is what is created by our thoughts? what are thoughts created of then.
language who decided which language to use how did we end up with naming things like god or stone...
if there was only one language in the world would it have been a better place?
is expecting the world to be a better place an illusion or a reality?

Migrating Birds

As i stood in my window and shouted out my last goodbyes a feeling of calm ascended on the halls of residence....
the unusually quite guildhall walk was not a sight to see...
there were no shouts out of the windows and not anyone to call around...
there was no music and no beer...
the party never started...
the calm i thought would be a welcome change but it is not,
the tigers had gone to bed early.... there were a few souls remaining but they will be gone soon...
the nature cried to see them go it cried all night long....
the migration reminds me of who i really am...