There was once a drive a passion to do something different to not conform to be the rebel...somehow that seems to be lost there is still a drive but it is not as passionate there is still a tendency to say "hell no" but it is often not said...

There was a time when it did not matter what people thought, they didnt know me. They still dont know me but I have to think about what they think... my nature seems to change with each step I take maybe it is time to reclaim what I have lost maybe it is time to jump of the cliff and do exactly what I always wanted to do...

Life is filled with twists and turns...some are so beautiful to need to stop and take a deep breath and others hit you so hard that they knock the wind out of you.

Somedays i feel miserable... as though i dont know what I am doing. It feels as if i dont have a future. other days things around me make me feel inspired. whatever be the case life is not worth stopping and not trying to do better. I guess i have realised that, so i toast to a better tommorow and live today.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

I often think to myself what am I doing. What do I want to do. Who is with me. Well most of these questions have hazy answers. Sometimes I am able to think straight. There were times in my life when i wanted nothing more then being at a certain place and I would do anything to be there but over the years I relised at times we tend to add complexities to a very simple situation. We tend to overcomplicate a simple thing atleast I do.

I wonder where will I land up 5 years from now. Where will I be what will I be doing.

I was travelling by local recently and it was amazing to look around and see the people who travel by trains in Bombay. I thought to myself maybe I dont want to travel like this my entire life. But then being a traveller and a road warrior has become a part and parcel of life. It has become important to take on different roles and grow.

I dont think I have seen it all. I have tons of mountains to climb but I know now that you have to do it yourself.

The politics of agitation.
I was thinking when was the last time a government in India passed a bill or made a resolution that was approved without opposition. Yesterday after the budget opposition members staged a walk out against the rise in petrol prices. I agree with people who say inflation has to be controlled. But my question is do you want the growth to be high? Do you want more FDI flowing into the country? If the answer is no then we can go back to pre 1990's when we basically destroyed our own economy. If the answer is yes then I think we have to draw the line somewhere and agree to some of the suggestions we should oppose otherwise democracy will be dead but not on all issues right now the political parties in India are like nagging partners who are mostly likely to find faults in everything and crib about them.

One of my friends made a statement the other day. He said he is not normal. This got me thinking as to who is normal and how can someone adjudge someone as being normal. I listen to rock and I have no problems admitting that I hate some other forms of music this makes me normal in some eyes while it makes me a full blown weirdo in the eyes of others. I have inked my arms this is considered to be a fad by some to be a statement by some but to me its just an extension of myself so am I mad or may I normal.

I thought about this for a while and I feel the only normal people in this world are the abnormal ones maybe its to do with conformance maybe its to do with being a part of the herd those who stand out are the abnormal one. To be honest I would rather stand out and be abnormal.

When do we learn to say NO?

We rarely ever say no directly unless we are angry or frustrated. The thinking men and women ought to have the courage to say it as it is. But we don't. We have politicians who on one hand say that they are the protectors of our city and they are the same people who also tend to destroy it at the slightest controversy. We have internal and external enemies who are creating ruckus and we cant tell them no we have had enough.

We cant say no to our friends when we don't want to do something. We think of excuses to make them feel that we are busy or we are up to something. Why cant we say no and why cant others respect the no.

The voice in my brain says don't the voice from somewhere else in me says do.
There are things that I see and cant figure out.
There are places I need to be but cant find a way to get to.
There are people I want to meet but can't.
There are ideas that I want to implement but don't know how.
Through this sprinkling of dreams I live a life that sometimes seems surreal.
Through the days and nights I have only more aspirations to fulfil.
Life as I live it seems distant from life as I want it.
The means to complete something sometimes seem so unreachable that I feel we live in a reality show.
A show where we are forced to make choices but the result is sometimes immaterial of the choices.
Till I solve my conundrums I bid adieu.

Standing by my window I look at the sun kissed earth through a curtain of smoke,
Admiring the beauty of what stands forth makes me think of other places I have been,
It makes me want to see how it feels to see the same sight at different places,
The earth in all its naked glory beckons all to come see her beauty as the sun wakes up and illuminates her being,
The blue waves crash against the rocks as my smoke curtain grows thinner,
Someday I will see a lot and that will make me smile just like she is smiling right now.

I don't get our obsession with marriage I mean as a society. Marriage is an institution they say I highly doubt it like many other things people say. Marriage is an understanding of sorts I feel it is like a compromise that I will have to undertake the question is why should I not think about myself. TO grow your family name you need to get married and have kids too. This whole concept though makes a little sense has also led to female genocide. The number of girl children being aborted due to the want of having a boy is very alarming. So that argument also fails according to me. Now there is another argument that says you will have a companion for life. Well I don't need to marry for that do I? I can have a companion without getting married. Oh I am scandalising a lot of people with this comment but then I don't think it is wrong. This is not our culture you say. Well so are a lot of things which we reintroduced to make our society highly conservative and constricted.
Not everyone needs to think like me I don't want to argue all I want is my voice be heard.

I see many amazing sights on my way to work or sometimes on my way back maybe I am too observant or maybe I have nothing better to do. But this is what I have started observing recently. The newer generation is not spoilt they have different tastes.
Hip hop culture I think that's what it is called has taken over suburbia and its influence can be seen every where. When I was that age we had different influences. I feel nothing is wrong as long as you don't overdo it.

A recent murder of a high profile lawyer is quite unnerving. One of the suspects is a techie who works in mumbai. Even in some of the heinous crimes the culprits are educated working professionals. I often wonder why an educated person would succumb to such ideologies.
Is it the world around them that they find to be cruel? Are they just doing it for money? It would be interesting if some physiologist actually studies this or maybe they have and I have not looked hard enough

Incredible India... My last post was about regionalism and it seems like our diversity is rotting. The recent bomb blasts in Pune does not seem to have an impact on people in AP. Amazing, isn't it?

I have a problem with broadsheets in Mumbai dedicating their front page to Adverts from various organisations mainly builders though. How can you have the front page of the newspaper given to a builder or for that matter any other organisation or group. The front page to me is a sacred page where the most prominent events are highlighted. It could be argued that they do this for the extra income that is so badly required in the print media specially since the advent of 24 hour news channels but why compromise on the first page?

I don't have a television at home which means the first thing I do in the morning is read the newspaper only to go through 2-3 pages of pictures of buildings. I guess the print media is answering the question will we survive; but I feel it should be how we survive.

Welcome to the new version of me.

I have written about things that I found interesting in the past but have never really written about current issues. However, this time around I intend to be current.

Lets start with the regionalism that has taken India by storm. Ask a small child on the road where he/she is from and rarely will you get the answer that I am from India. A majority of people thing that their first loyalty lies with their state and in some cases their city. I will not declare that I am a staunch Indian and whatever we do I agree with it. Sometimes there are instances when what we do does not make sense. Like opening a dialogue with Pakistan. Well more on that subject later.

First I want to debate on this topic of regionalism. We have people asking for their own state we have people stating that a particular part of the country belongs to certain people. Do we realise that we are dividing the country into small parts based on religion, language and customs. India boasts that we have unity in diversity at least that is what I was taught in school but I do not see any unity I see personal agendas and regional bias killing our growth story.

India is set to take on the so called economic powers in the world and on the brink of possible greatness we decide we do not care where we can reach let us fight among ourselves and destroy the chances of getting investment. Truly a united front, isn't it? We could well be the biggest economy in time to come like the golden era of India but then it depends on what the people do next.

The most wonderful sight in the world is seeing bombay shimmering in lights as you fly over and the saddest sight is seeing those lights disappear. how i miss it sometimes, i wondered was it beacause of the people. was it because of the memories that i had there. well i guess its a mixture of both if it wasnt for my friends i would never have liked it as much. if it wasnt for all the things i did there i wouldnt have anything to remeber it with. but the way the city looks bathed in light with cars snaking down its roads is a beautiful.
some say that living in india after you have travelled the world is mad. well i guess i am mad then because i wouldnt want to live anywhere else

Sometimes it feels like life has come to a standstill
The horizon seems bleak and it feels like im dragging a stone while walking through a desert
Maybe its just the jabs I have taken
even the mightiest fall after all
Unless its the calm I feel before I start a storm
The days seem endless at times
the nights calm as a bomb
the insomnia kicks in and then you just lay awake dreaming with your eyes wide open
the night grows older but the eyes keep seeking something dont exactly know what
the mind never seems to rest, constant thoughts are a vice at times
If i can find definition i say to myself but then I have that
Maybe a vision is what I need
Maybe hope is what is missing
Maybe its me...

My new inspiration.... JORDAN SPARKS

yes i know this coming from me will seem a bit odd.. but then i was listening to One step at a time and it made me think not a lot of songs make me think but this one did... it speaks volumes... maybe i should learn from the song and do what the song says take one step at a time... well it will help a lot thats for sure...instead of runnin like flash and then falling and failing i could jog or brisk walk :P

for those unaware of this woman and her work
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAYmDNov6Q0

My second inspiration MARTY McConnell..what a woman.. she speaks her mind and speaks volumes... she taught me to listen to the voice of my wild heart... and terror of the way im headed is a sure sign that heading in the right direction... one adjective may not be enough to describe her and her inspirational work... so i will let you see for your self
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS3jfY3_AWw

there is one more inspiration who doesnt have a youtube video and who isnt talked about in the papers or online... unfortunately he aint alive, but he was a great man a man who spent his life trying to help society who got very little money in return sometimes met people who were ungrateful to him who left him thinking if he was doing any good but he continued his work... he made a small insignificant thing into a monument... single-handly he changed the face of medicine in his region... he did what was thought impossible... he was a person who was 3 steps ahead of his present and who never gave up on his beliefs...whenever i walk away from his grave it leaves me feeling hungry to do more in life... i hope that one day i will remebered like you

Navin Mistry (Johnny) met with an accident on the 4th April'09 around 1:10 in the afternoon when he was on his way to the office and has been undergoing treatment for head injuries at MGM hospital, Vashi, New Bombay.

During the accident he suffered injuries to the head causing multiple clots and internal bleeding. He underwent an immediate surgery (craniotomy) on the very same day and was incubated and connected to the ventilator but post surgery results showed the presence of residual clots for which he underwent another surgery (decompressed craniotomy) on 09/04/09.
Repeat surgeries were performed for removing the Skull cap (left and right hemisphere, respectively) to ease the pressure caused by massive swelling of the brain.


On 09/04/09 the hospital gave us an approximate expenditure of Rs.6,50,000 (Six Lakhs Fifty Thousand) excluding the cost of medicines, which is amounting to around 10-15 thousand per day. This estimate was given to us prior to the last surgery. Currently the hospital costs are expected to be around Rs.10,00,000 and the medicines will probably amount to approx. Rs. 500000(Total likely expenditure estimated is Rs 15 lacs as of today).

Navin was the only earning menber of his family and the expenses for his treatment are well over his family's savings, hence we need to contribute in any possible way.

We have approached various trusts, politicians & institutions but the response till now is not very positive and any action from their side will take months.

When will it end... when will be complete again
sometimes life seems so bleak and so dark that i wish i could just run away
sometimes it feels like i am worthless
there are times when i wish it would just rain so that atleast someone will shed tears
sometimes it feels like nothin can be done
i have never felt so powerless
i used to love dancing to the music of my heart and now the music is gone
i used to love being my inner child and now the inner child seems to have grown up

i never hated the summer now i do and i dont know why

i wish i was me again