With total credit to def poetry for awakening me

I sit in my room and go insane from silence
and you have seen me at those moments
and have stuck out your tongue and gone along with it
...
I am less acutely aware of all that I know as I am of all that I have yet to learn
I wasn't before you.
Before you I knew everything, now everything is new
Before you I stood in fields of yellow-white corn
self-assured, omniscient, young.
I challenged wind to footraces and goaded mountains into staring contests
and if at times I lost, it was 'cause I chose to
it was because I reasoned logically that it was better to
let God believe he had the edge than argue pointedly about the inner workings of infinity
and prove that he did not
then you run up to me and speak you mind
and suddenly, the sky tearing, I realize: I hadn't thought of that.
...
do not ask me if I love you
there is no need
simply read this poem
I will tell you, surely(shortly?), of my own free will, repeatedly, and often
so do not ask me why
there is no need
simply pick up this poem
and read.

Hmm i wonder this will go but then its a start i guess

Chapter 1
1.1
It was a rainy day in Mumbai. Though he hated calling it that we felt it was politically correct as compared to Bombay. As he sat there watching the rain drops splatter against the window. He thought of the beautiful city in front of him, to him it was the city of angels, drenched in rain the city looked like a newly wed bride blushing with happiness. The high towers seemed so distant in the rain. The sea looked calm and as always inviting. The waves crashed against the rocks and the spray just made it look better. He looked around here he was at a crossroad. He had no idea what was going to happen when he left his safe haven and go to a strange place alien to him. The calm was always followed by a storm. Was he going to survive it? It had started about one year ago first the interview for the exchange program then the wait for everything to finalize the anticipation was worse as the days flew by. How will I make friends he thought to himself, what about the cold? It seemed like something that was only a dream was about to come true. He was always the boy who did what was told he never did anything wrong. But a lot of things had gone bad, his relationships had all been weird weather it was with his parents his classmates or his women. Looking back he thought what have I made of myself? Is there anything to tell the world that I am here? Is there anything I have done to make me proud? This was his chance this was the one chance he felt he had to make something of himself. He was clay that was about to be molded. Life is beautiful it turns it rises and it falls he hadn’t seen it all but he wanted to. He had led a very protected life and this was the first time he left vulnerable. The anticipation only grew as the clock ticked away. He had decided he didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to feel weak. He hated feeling out of control. His grandfather had taught him to be self reliant and in control he didn’t want that to go waste. He thought of his grandfather he had taught him a lot he had helped him study he had taught him to swim and he was the one who had encouraged him to swim competitively he had been there when he was sick he had told him stories and then one day he had dreamt about his death he didn’t want to bring it up with anyone but when it happened the next day he felt like he was still in the dream he wanted to slap himself awake, but he lived the nightmare. Walking in front of the coffin during the funeral with a cross in his hand he had tried to put on a brave face he wanted to show the world this is what he taught me. This is how he had been molded at a young age in control of his emotions. He smiled and put on a brave face in all conditions.

My greatest fear has been the quicksand. not the real one though. It is when one small thing goes wrong and then the other things start to fail and slowly everything around you is falling and breaking there is no where you can turn the harder you try to run away from it the worse it gets and then there is darkness all around. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and you feel suffocated. How did this come about it was yesterday at the party when suddenly I was on stage the first ever gig i played i had the same feeling. What if the sound goes what if the people dont like what i play what if? but then it all came toghter it doesnt always happen tho sometimes its more of i hope that makes thing happen. I rarely speak about my fears but then its time to slay the demons and move forward

Walking against the wind. Cold drops falling from the skies like tear drops. the sound of the waves gently thrashing the breakers. All i could wish for was a hand. As i walked along the pier with its war monuments on one side and lush green lawns on the other looking up at the skyline to see the spin tower i felt i should have been a bird. i wished i could fly over the sea admiring its might and beauty it was here that they lay at rest it was here that mankind flourished. It was here that history was made, sometimes i feel insignificant in this world where so many have come and gone but then i live with the hope that i will make my name somewhere someplace till then we cherish each moment