My Ode to MJ
she crumbled in my arms
weeping away her pain
she was all i needed to feel content at that moment
her sweet smell filling my senses
her touch putting my mind at ease
as i lay there with her against my lips
i felt complete
i didn't feel like letting go
no words needed to be exchanged
there was no anguish no pain
our dreams where the same
my breathing breaking the silence
the birds sang in a distance
the sun slowly crept up the horizon
i felt the pain disappear
i closed my eyes as we became one

i wrote this one ages ago never really got to blogging it well thts my random thoughts as usual at its finest should be more like it....

anyhows its been a while since i opened my mind and wrote and this week a long lost friend helped clear my mind a lot
he was one of the first influences on my mind, he was one of the main reasons i decided not to follow the anyone but become myself
someone recently told me in the past people could not define me aand they still cant i doubt if they will ever be able to...
i dont know if i will be able to define myself lets see i think of myself as a non-conformist i think of myself as cold at times i dont like to harm people i dont know what i feel anymore i think i am happy but i am not... i think i am alright but my mind keeps thinking... i doubt if i will ever be defined but then it is not a bad thing it only adds to my legacy...
i always have let my mine think sometimes i felt like i should stop but then i never did and i dont think i ever will...
well that is enough ranting for one day

i call this one MY OWN

As i lay awake in bed

seeing the lights shimmering i wondered to myself what is mine

the haze of smoke could not help me find an answer

the blurring vision didn't help either

the night grew cold and still

there was a shadow of a man walking down the street

scavenging for things to eat

i realized what isn't mine is his

she stood in a distance

under a dim light waiting for someone to fall for her charms

there is little hailey to be fed she also needs new books she thought to herself

what isn't his is hers

the wind swept the street and it rose to meet the new visitor from the east

the sky now was a bright orange

the night seemed to disappear in a flash

little hailey stirred in her bed

she awoke with new dreams and living hopes

she wanted to make her life better she wanted a better world

this is when i realized it is all theirs

till death comes to me i strive to make this world a little better than it is

if i cant change anyone so be it i will be a good human to others

because the future of the world that those little eyes see deserves to be bright

music as defined by the dictionary is an artistic form of auditory communication incorporating instrumental or vocal tones in a structured and continuous manner.
isn't it much more than that?

well we do owe a lot to the music we grew up on. I think that music is a way of life. it definitely is a way of self-expression. I haven't even heard all the different types of music in the world so i definitely am not an expert but then the different music i have heard and played helps me learn so much.

When i played Arabic music i could see how the crowd reacted how they danced which was way different from what i had seen before. the culture that they shared with other Arabic speaking countries was self evident.

There are so many people around the world who listen to main stream commercial music but still have the same choices.

my flatmate has lived his entire life in the UK and somehow we have similar musical tastes which is quite interesting but brings to light the fact that music unites people.

Why this sudden outburst of revelations? no idea thought about it randomly as usual

Another year draws to an end,
thousands of tears mixed with blood flow into the seas,
a million smiles and aspirations were born,
new dreams where seen and things not thought of before were done,
the world started slowing down and stalling,
what the future holds for me i dont know,
but i know this i wont be looking at work to be done and cracks to be patched on my walk of life,
instead of looking for flaws in my mind i will be looking for potential to grow,


a wise man (my grandfather) once told me that life will have its trials and tribulations it will have its joys and sorrows take everything thrown at you with a smile and you will lead a good life.
one of my fondest memories of new year was my sisters first new year. she was 9 days old and had been brought home from the hospital just 2 days ago. but it was brilliant i felt like i wasnt alone anymore. it felt like and still does feel like she is my world. thinking about it though it has been a good year so far, so many things have been done. so many new friendships have been built. so many new places have been seen though there are plenty more that i would like to see.
I never thought i would be learning again but i am and i am enjoying every second of it. The challenges i faced at the start of the year which i thought i would never be able to complete i did. The fact that i changed the way some people work has been rewarding enough. The projects i undertook and completed were amazing. i never thought that i would be doing some of the work i did when i left college. I never thought i would take a trip across the oceans on free will but i did...
not everything went the way i wanted it too.. but then it is a part of life isnt it... i had an amazing year and my only wish and prayer is that the next one is even better if not the same... i dont make new year resolutions but then this year i have made one to exist like the way i want to be like the way i would like people to remeber me.
happy new year!!!!

I have a new question which has been troubling me over and over again so i might as well write it out and hopefully something happens
what is reality?
where can we draw the line between illusion and reality?
if reality is created by man, it would imply that relaity is what is created by our thoughts? what are thoughts created of then.
language who decided which language to use how did we end up with naming things like god or stone...
if there was only one language in the world would it have been a better place?
is expecting the world to be a better place an illusion or a reality?

Migrating Birds

As i stood in my window and shouted out my last goodbyes a feeling of calm ascended on the halls of residence....
the unusually quite guildhall walk was not a sight to see...
there were no shouts out of the windows and not anyone to call around...
there was no music and no beer...
the party never started...
the calm i thought would be a welcome change but it is not,
the tigers had gone to bed early.... there were a few souls remaining but they will be gone soon...
the nature cried to see them go it cried all night long....
the migration reminds me of who i really am...

With total credit to def poetry for awakening me

I sit in my room and go insane from silence
and you have seen me at those moments
and have stuck out your tongue and gone along with it
...
I am less acutely aware of all that I know as I am of all that I have yet to learn
I wasn't before you.
Before you I knew everything, now everything is new
Before you I stood in fields of yellow-white corn
self-assured, omniscient, young.
I challenged wind to footraces and goaded mountains into staring contests
and if at times I lost, it was 'cause I chose to
it was because I reasoned logically that it was better to
let God believe he had the edge than argue pointedly about the inner workings of infinity
and prove that he did not
then you run up to me and speak you mind
and suddenly, the sky tearing, I realize: I hadn't thought of that.
...
do not ask me if I love you
there is no need
simply read this poem
I will tell you, surely(shortly?), of my own free will, repeatedly, and often
so do not ask me why
there is no need
simply pick up this poem
and read.

Hmm i wonder this will go but then its a start i guess

Chapter 1
1.1
It was a rainy day in Mumbai. Though he hated calling it that we felt it was politically correct as compared to Bombay. As he sat there watching the rain drops splatter against the window. He thought of the beautiful city in front of him, to him it was the city of angels, drenched in rain the city looked like a newly wed bride blushing with happiness. The high towers seemed so distant in the rain. The sea looked calm and as always inviting. The waves crashed against the rocks and the spray just made it look better. He looked around here he was at a crossroad. He had no idea what was going to happen when he left his safe haven and go to a strange place alien to him. The calm was always followed by a storm. Was he going to survive it? It had started about one year ago first the interview for the exchange program then the wait for everything to finalize the anticipation was worse as the days flew by. How will I make friends he thought to himself, what about the cold? It seemed like something that was only a dream was about to come true. He was always the boy who did what was told he never did anything wrong. But a lot of things had gone bad, his relationships had all been weird weather it was with his parents his classmates or his women. Looking back he thought what have I made of myself? Is there anything to tell the world that I am here? Is there anything I have done to make me proud? This was his chance this was the one chance he felt he had to make something of himself. He was clay that was about to be molded. Life is beautiful it turns it rises and it falls he hadn’t seen it all but he wanted to. He had led a very protected life and this was the first time he left vulnerable. The anticipation only grew as the clock ticked away. He had decided he didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to feel weak. He hated feeling out of control. His grandfather had taught him to be self reliant and in control he didn’t want that to go waste. He thought of his grandfather he had taught him a lot he had helped him study he had taught him to swim and he was the one who had encouraged him to swim competitively he had been there when he was sick he had told him stories and then one day he had dreamt about his death he didn’t want to bring it up with anyone but when it happened the next day he felt like he was still in the dream he wanted to slap himself awake, but he lived the nightmare. Walking in front of the coffin during the funeral with a cross in his hand he had tried to put on a brave face he wanted to show the world this is what he taught me. This is how he had been molded at a young age in control of his emotions. He smiled and put on a brave face in all conditions.

My greatest fear has been the quicksand. not the real one though. It is when one small thing goes wrong and then the other things start to fail and slowly everything around you is falling and breaking there is no where you can turn the harder you try to run away from it the worse it gets and then there is darkness all around. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and you feel suffocated. How did this come about it was yesterday at the party when suddenly I was on stage the first ever gig i played i had the same feeling. What if the sound goes what if the people dont like what i play what if? but then it all came toghter it doesnt always happen tho sometimes its more of i hope that makes thing happen. I rarely speak about my fears but then its time to slay the demons and move forward

Walking against the wind. Cold drops falling from the skies like tear drops. the sound of the waves gently thrashing the breakers. All i could wish for was a hand. As i walked along the pier with its war monuments on one side and lush green lawns on the other looking up at the skyline to see the spin tower i felt i should have been a bird. i wished i could fly over the sea admiring its might and beauty it was here that they lay at rest it was here that mankind flourished. It was here that history was made, sometimes i feel insignificant in this world where so many have come and gone but then i live with the hope that i will make my name somewhere someplace till then we cherish each moment

The only thing that keeps me sane is my insanity...
the only thing that keeps me human is my mutant soul
This is something that occured to me in one of my dreams.. i stopped asking the doc to help cuz he has a one track mind and i dare to disagree with him..
every now and then i let my mind wander it wanders far and wide sometimes it comes back hurt sometimes it returns with a huge bounty...
i read in the newspaper (i guess) that some people have made revolting their hobby... there are so many causes in the world then why rebel without a cause... we see all the stars pour money in places like dafur... some get inspired some do it cuz their heartthrob did it.. i say rebel .. revolt is good.. but rebel for a brighter tmrw not for a darker today.

I was asked why did i get a tattoo?
Was it because it was the in thing? i guess not cuz i always went against the system...i didnt wanna fit in i was and will always be who i am.

i guess the only reason i got a tattoo was cuz i considered it to be an extension of my thoughts.. there was once a friend who told me your thoughts at times are so dark that they scare me.. i never really thought of it that way.. maybe i should

I'm sitting here in the boring roomIt's just another rainy Sunday afternoonI'm wasting my timeI got nothing to doI'm hanging aroundI'm waiting for youBut nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder howI wonder whyYesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue skyAnd all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-treeI'm turning my head up and downI'm turning turning turning turning turning aroundAnd all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

ah fool's garden....just rembered this song cuz i have been hummin the tune since morning....god knows why....

anyhows, this is one of my random posting....things i do when i have time on my hands and i am lost in thought of someone somewhere.


ah yes my new creation
wonder if it will work though

I am just a stiletto in the dark....
all i crave is light....
i maybe just a mirage...
caused out of your fright...

its been ages since i wrote, i guess the reason was simple-work.
Now when i write it feels like i have been itchin to write for such a long time...
sometimes we have speedbreaks in life when we are running away too fast this is one of those days when nothin goes your way and you feel like u have lost everythin u held onto....and then comes the revelation tht u have to keep fightin...cuz the war aint over....i have the warrior symbol engraved on my left triscep....how appropriate dont you think....its the way life is....a battle to survive a battle to get your right full....only the strong will survive said darwin i say balls to him...only the determined will survive

i wanna swim......

its been a while since i jumped in the pool and did my mandaory laps.....
all my drills....
i miss swimmin...it was so peacefull
all my worries used to vanish each time i was in the pool

this is one incident that kind of made me laugh my as* off.....
i was at this shop and two much older corporates were talkin abt the newer generation.....they are irresponsible they are like this they are like that
they want easy money.....

hey.....we didnt start the fire it was always burnin.......

we have different aspirations from our parents no doubt in tht.......
the way we go forward to achieve is also different...
they broke their parents rules and we breakin their..... it called angst....


freedom was also a topic of disscusion between the two gentlemen....wht can i say...i can only quote

The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear
AUNG SAN SUU KYI

its that time of the year again when the fragrance of cakes and cookies wafts thru the air...... every where the xmas spirt....
we have stories abt the grinch....
the grinch still lives...except he aint no green monster....
he is just invisble...and stays inside our mind.....
he is called fear......
we all fear something or the other.... the question is why....
fear is installed in us by society??? possible

The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear.

its been a while since i wrote....

i was wonderin how do i survive.....
life is filled with twists and turns.....
i have always been on a roller coaster....except the drop aint stoppin...it seems never ending.......
i look arnd and see the luxuries...all i can do is wish i had them ......
my wants are never ending, as an after thought i often feel like i am complete and i need to be content but tht aint happenin.....
hmm well maybe i am cribin too much and doin too lil abt it...
till i lose my sanity again

i was listenin to good ole RHCP
the song was one from their new album.....when i realized y i like this band so much.....
they sing to me
atleast tht wht i feel
ozzy also sings to me..........
i guess wht i wanna say is tht its music tht keeps me from becomin insane....there r tons of songs i say are my favourites...but then y are they so....its cuz i can realate to them....i understand what the band wants to say cuz i am goin thru the same phase......

or maybe i am already insane??????

its been a while since i set my creative juices flowing.....
but then i really didnt wanna bother the world with my crap......
this time i am gonna tell a story of a boy....
he grew up in a small town...started lissenin to remixes.....and today he dresses up like a hip hop artist
though his english is almost non existent still he tries to rammble somethin vague....
why am i writin this.....not cuz i wanna mak him feel bad.....its just cuz we like him have lost touch of who we really are.....
we interact with some many people in so many different situations that we rarely project our true selfs......
AWAKE my friends